I have a tendency to put myself last to take care of my beautiful and amazing family. While I wouldn't change my love and service to them, I knew it was time to take a look at my own journey and start working toward some long-lost goals of my own. This phase of personal growth for me has been a tough one. Nose to the grindstone, beaten and bruised, sweating my ass off, TOUGH.
And here's what I've learned.
1. There is no RIGHT path. I always used to think that I was put in this life to uncover what I was *meant* to do, as if there was some cosmic alignment of pre-destined greatness just waiting for me to get my head out of the sand and find it. The truth is that this world is made up of all kinds of people in all kinds of situations and all kinds of jobs, and roles, and they are ALL important. Maybe what I'm doing is not up there with Mother Theresa's selflessness or Van Gogh's talent, but the path I *choose* is the right one for me because it FITS. And that's okay. Part of my own personal growth is accepting that my own journey is about being my best self in whatever way fits me and my life. There are no standards to meet beyond those I set for myself.
2. You will QUESTION yourself. Besides the "right path" thing, you start to wonder if it's worth it. Make no mistake, it is HARD to do this. When you begin to really explore the idea of changing your life, improving yourself, and reaching for a better way of living, you come up against a whole slew of obstacles. Sometimes we take those obstacles to mean that it's not the right path, but in truth, it's just the speed bumps that you've been avoiding going over to get to something better. Trust the journey.
3. Others will QUESTION you. People in general don't like change, and when someone they care about starts to evolve it can be scary. Sometimes it comes across in flippant or "joking" comments. Sometimes it becomes clear that people just don't believe that you will succeed. Whatever it is, consider it fuel to move you forward. Keep your goals in your sights, and don't let it stop you.
4. Jealousy is a BITCH. We tend to surround ourselves with people that are similar mindsets to our own. When you go and change on them, people don't like it. The worst thing is when those people you've shared so much of your heart and life with share your goals as well, but you get there first. There's a reason I have often held back into the shadows and not gone for the spotlight in my life. I've held back, and while it has kept my relationships at a steady level of mutual experience, it hasn't served my own journey. I naively thought that some of these people would celebrate with me through my growth and determination, but sadly that was not the case.
5. You have to make tough CHOICES. When you grow, you inevitably leave some pieces of your past behind. I'm a sentimental person, and I have never been good at weeding things out of my life. When you make a conscious choice to move toward your goals and grow as a person, the sifting and sorting begins to automatically happen. The good part about this is that you can see clearly the people and situations that are good and right in your life. The bad part is that whether you want it or not, you're shown pretty clearly what, and who, needs to change in your life, and it is up to you to make the final decision to do so. Let me tell you, it is not easy to draw a line in the sand and say "this is what is best for me." Unfortunately, if you do not make those tough choices, you cannot continue to grow.
7. You will want to QUIT. Somewhere along the way with everything you are up against, you are going to look back at your life before with rose colored glasses and think, "that wasn't so bad." You're going to dream of sleeping in, of the relationships you miss that are gone now, and of how things were so "simple" then. You can tell yourself you'll always have another chance. You can try again next month... next year... It all looks very tempting, and you WILL want to quit. But don't. Don't throw all of that hard work away, and take from yourself this once chance for change.
8. When you change one thing, EVERYTHING changes. Yeah, I didn't expect this. I thought I would just be adding in a new career. I thought I would just be improving my own determination and passion for life. I anticipated that I would just be expanding on the life I already had. I had no idea my life as a whole would look different.
9. Sometimes you have to take a big risk (and it's SCARY). I took a risk when I made the decision to try and change my life. I took a risk when I started a new career. I took a risk when I made the tough choices in my relationships. And I'm taking a risk now. We decided based on our goals and life changes that we should move back home to Texas. Change is scary for me, especially when it involves my whole family. We have been carefully considering this option for months, and ultimately we decided it was time to take that step. The risk is great, but so is the reward.
