5 Secrets to a Love that Lasts

Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. That's a pretty significant number, and I realized today that we have been together for more than half of my life.  I look at that face and I see laughter, tears, our beautiful children, strength through my fear, peace in my storms, comfort in my hurt, and the man I want to wake up to every single day. He is my past, my present, and my future.

Here are 5 ways we have stayed so madly in love:

1. Be each other's BEST FRIENDS.  Yes it is okay to have other "Best Friends" too, but this needs to be the FIRST person you want to go to to talk about your joys, your frustrations, your sadness, your anger, your everything.  It needs to be the person you laugh with and have inside jokes with.  This needs to be the person you can let go and be yourself with, and not worry that they are going to change their opinion of you if you say something totally stupid or have a booger on the outside of your nose. Beyond what they can do for you in the relationship, think about what kind of friend you can be to them, especially if you notice this piece of things is lacking.  Never forget that you get back what you put in, so be the best friend you can be to your mate.  Make some new memories and find reasons to laugh together. Ask them about their day (use specifics and remember things that they've mentioned are important to them).  Leave a little surprise for them.  Call them just to say hello and talk.  Step away from the computer and snuggle up and watch a movie they like for a change.  Listen to music together. Go hiking, even if you don't like it, but they do.  Be a real FRIEND, and your connection will grow more than you can imagine.

Prom, 1999

2. MAKE TIME for each other.  Real time.  Date time.  Quiet time.  Sexy time.  MAKE. THE. TIME.  Put it on the calendar if you have to, and let it be concrete.  We have a standing date night and those within our circle know that those are "black out dates" and we are not available. Prioritize the commitments with your partner so that they KNOW they are important to you.  Don't let anything stand in the way of that.  Yes, I know many of you have kids (so do we), and jobs (so do we), and commitments (so do we).  It comes down to priorities, and this really needs to be high up there.  We tell our kids that we need to have time together because it helps us to be the best mom & dad we can be.  It's the truth, and it gives them an example of how to prioritize their marriage as well when they're older, so I have no problem showing them that we need time for the two of us.  We make time for the kids as well, and have amazing people that stay with them when we go.

3. Get good and MAD sometimes.  Let's face it.  Not everything is sunshine and roses, and sometimes we screw up.  One of the worst things you can do for your relationship is to harbor resentment, because that just grows and gets to be a huge festering monster that drools and poops on everything that matters to you in your relationship.  No one wants that.  If there is something that hurt you or bothers you, get it out.  Have the argument.  Cry.  Do whatever you need to to work through it.  Then make up.  Cuddle and be together.  Do nice things for each other.  Be awkward but loving after it's all said and done.  Just don't feed the festering poop monster.

4. BUILD EACH OTHER UP.  Yep.  All caps on that one.  It's huge.  Believe in your partner and tell them so.  Say nice things EVERY DAY and mean them.  Tell them what you love about them on a regular basis. Complement their appearance, their commitment to their career, the way they are with the kids, their consistency in doing something around the house that helps everyone.  Say thank you whenever you have the opportunity.  Let them know when they did something that was helpful or meant something to you.  Don't assume they know - use your words. It's powerful, it means a LOT to your partner, and it WILL come back in your direction if you just start that ball rolling.

5. BELIEVE IN FOREVER.  All caps again.  Take "break up" and "divorce" out of your vocabulary (unless of course you are in an unsafe situation).  This is it.  You're in it for the long haul. The whole enchilada.  You aren't going anywhere until the fat lady sings at your funeral. Once you remove this "out" from your mindset, you will find that you change your entire approach to your relationship.  It can't be something that you view as temporary, or based on whatever circumstances seem to be happening at the time.  If you want a love that lasts, you have to truly believe it will last FOREVER.

At least that is what's worked for me. :)

Do you have any tips or tricks for what keeps the love alive?  Post below in the comments!  I'd love to hear from you!