The County Fair

I painted again.  A friend shared a photo of her kids at the county fair and asked her permission to paint it.  With her blessing, I gave it my best shot, and had a nice stroll down memory lane in the process.

I remember so many years going out to the fairgrounds with my friends, walking on the dusty paths and smelling all the amazing fair food.  I remember the noise of kids laughing and screaming, and the smells of the animals, too. Most of all I remember feeling daring and the excitement of trying something new, while simultaneously building up traditions. <3 

October

I've been painting again, and have many new things to share.  For now, here's one that I did as a quick study while gathered 'round the table with my my incredibly talented and artistic family, as they worked on their own creations.  

October, by Robert Frost

The green elm with the one great bough of gold 
Lets leaves into the grass slip, one by one, -- 
The short hill grass, the mushrooms small milk-white, 
Harebell and scabious and tormentil, 
That blackberry and gorse, in dew and sun, 
Bow down to; and the wind travels too light 
To shake the fallen birch leaves from the fern; 
The gossamers wander at their own will. 
At heavier steps than birds' the squirrels scold. 
The rich scene has grown fresh again and new 
As Spring and to the touch is not more cool 
Than it is warm to the gaze; and now I might 
As happy be as earth is beautiful, 
Were I some other or with earth could turn 
In alternation of violet and rose, 
Harebell and snowdrop, at their season due, 
And gorse that has no time not to be gay. 
But if this be not happiness, -- who knows? 
Some day I shall think this a happy day, 
And this mood by the name of melancholy 
Shall no more blackened and obscured be. 

Multi-Generational Living

I'm 33 and I live with my mom.

Actually, we live together in a copacetic, mutually beneficial, multi-generational family unit.  3 generations of us live under one roof, and I'm coming to learn in this transition through the nuclear family era, that this type of living situation is really not so uncommon.

According to Generations United, the U.S. Census reported in 2008 that one in 6 households in the United States is comprised of at least 3 or more generations.  In the bigger picture, this is the way things were done.  Families lived in the same homes for generations, and if not under the same roof, within the same clan not more than a short walking distance apart.  Families ate together, sought advice of their elders, raised and educated children as a community, depended on one another, shared their strengths and compassion with one another, and passed down skills and knowledge from generation to generation.  

I have also come to realize what a gift it is to have this time in my life to spend time with my mom, and to allow my kids such an opportunity to know her and gather their own memories and experiences with her.  So many of my dear friends have lost parents in recent years, and while I can't possibly say that I know the depth of their grief, my heart aches as I see how much they long for these moments.  God willing we will have plenty of moments to spare for many years to come, and I want to take advantage of every one we have before us.

That is not to say that things are always without struggle.  The movement of the nuclear family (one couple with children living on their own), has created it's own dynamics of both familial and household independence. Marrying those ideas under one roof with two generations of mothers/matriarchs can be trying at times for us both.  That said, we are navigating these waters together, with patience and passion for what we're doing and where we're going.

When it comes down to the day-to-day, there is nothing more magical than watching my mom dance around the yard in the rain with my oldest daughter, playing games with my 9yo girl, or pretending to build castles with my son.  There is a deep comfort in 3 generations of mothers and daughters sitting down between chores to knit a few rows together on the front porch as we watch the cars go by together.  Traditions are shared and made over recipes and kitchen tables, through seasons and celebrations. 

Yes, we live in a multi-generational household.  The important thing is, and always has been, family.

Foodie Fun in Texas

One of the best parts of being in TX again is being near some of my dearest friends and family.  The other best part is the FOOD.  Thrillist rates Texas as #2 in the nation for incredible food, and mentions San Antonio as one of the greatest cities in the state for foodies.

The other day I went out to dinner with my lifelong friend Danna to La Hacienda de Los Barrios.  We took long winding roads that had me wondering if she was driving me out to the middle of nowhere to murder me and bury my body, but then out of the forest of Pecan trees and tall grasses came into view the most beautiful Mexican restaurant I've ever seen.  I ordered the Puffy Tacos that Beat Bobby Flay, and they definitely live up to their fame.  My favorite part of the meal, besides the company, the food, and the atmosphere, was the best margarita I've had in recent memory.  Strike that.  The best TWO margaritas. Yum.

As a welcome home gesture, my dad also took us out to eat at my favorite BBQ place here, Rudy's.  The roadside joint advertizes that they have the "Worst BBQ in TX," a lie almost as big as the state itself.  The restaurant has been featured on the Travel Channel, among other large networks and publications for their incredible wood-smoked BBQ.  I managed to snag a photo of us while ordering, though it is apparent I had not yet acclimated to the 114* heat and was slightly wilted. My apologies, the BBQ is worth it!

When in Rome... er... Texas... do as the locals do, and COOK.  I've been making use of my Found Treasures lately, and channeling my inner Southern Belle in the kitchen.  I made a pile of Salmon Patties just like my grandma used to make for us, and they were a huge hit with the family.  

Later on I whipped up a beautiful Pork Roast in my Pampered Chef Rock Crock, and that turned out unbelievably well.  It was the first time I'd used my Rock Crock, and I was incredibly impressed with that little piece of kitchen equipment.  It can be used so many ways, and cooks everything incredibly evenly.  I swear I want 10 of them.

I am positive our foodie adventures will continue as we settle in to Texas-dom.  I would love any suggestions for your favorite restaurants or southern foods to try to cook!  What foods make you think of Texas?

Putting Down Roots

This making a home business is a lot harder than it seems.  I am so tired I could fall over any minute, but it has been a fun process, watching everything come together, as well.  Craigslist has been a lifesaver and has really stretched our dollar, while allowing us to add beauty and character to our home.  Some of my favorite purchases have been GOBS of plants for our house.  We have near 100 new plants gracing the interior our home, helping us stay grounded, and cleaning our air.

On our Craigslist adventures we met a wonderful man named Carlos.  He taught me a lot about how to care for Mammoth Elephant Ears, and we bought one from him on a trial basis, to be followed up with more plants from him later.  He was such a charming person to talk to, and a beautiful spirit.  We also bought this incredible piece (see below picture).  I'll post more about that later.  It is STUNNING!!  We made fast friends with him and look forward to new adventures ahead.

Some of our plants were rescued from the clearance rack in the garden center, but most of them came from a lady who is moving to New Mexico and couldn't take her beloved plants with her.  We came in and rescued dozens of plants from her and gave them a new home to live in.  They had been sitting out in the 110* Texas heat and had wilted some, but a day or two indoors have given them new life and all are doing well.

There is something really special about adding plants to your home.  It seems to give that last finishing, living touch to things.  Now I just need to find ways to spruce up the pots! 

The Death of a Friendship

4 months ago my life changed.

After 20 years, one of my best friends and I broke up.  For good.

20 years of believing that friendships are made to be secure, to last a lifetime.  20 years of sharing my deepest secrets with someone who knew parts of me that the rest of the world didn't see, both the good and the bad.  20 years of inside jokes, creative passion, and shameless, nerdy fandom.  20 years of knowing how she likes her Chai, of sharing clothes and memories, of being willing to fight like a lion for her if she needed me to. 20 years of consciously choosing each other again and again through ups and downs in marriages with the husbands we met long after we'd committed our friendships to each other, through identity crises, through the births of 5 children between us, through loss, heartache, and inexplicable joy.  20 years of choosing each other to turn to, depend on, and love through it all.  20 years knowing that without a doubt, this person was a part of my life, and 20 years of confidence that she would always be in my future.

And in April it was all gone. *Snap.* Just like that. The door slammed closed, and a part of me died along with our friendship, leaving me grasping for the parts of myself that got left behind in the chasm between us.

"Soul Sisters."  That's what we called ourselves.  We believed with all our hearts that friends are the family you choose.  In a blink our chosen family was severed, and I've been trying to find a way to cope with this ever since.

In the book, The Friend Who Got Away, Jenny Offill & Elissa Schappell wrote,

"The loss of a friendship can be nearly as painful as a bitter divorce or a death.  And yet it is a strange sort of heartbreak, one that is rarely discussed, even in our tell-all society.  Tales of disastrous loves abound, but there is something about a failed friendship that makes those involved guard it like a shameful secret.  'Whatever happened to your friend?' someone asks, and more often than not the answer comes back carefully crafted to give away nothing.  We had a falling out.  It's complicated.  Why does the thought of seeing an ex-friend sometimes stop our hearts in a way that seeing an old lover doesn't?  Why is it so difficult to trace the arc of a failed friendship, to shape it into a recognizable narrative?  Even country music, with its laundry list of heartache and longing, won't touch it."  

 One thing I have come to understand is that it is nearly impossible to talk about a lost friendship.  It isn't socially acceptable the way it is with the loss of a romantic relationship.  It's hard to talk about it without placing blame or letting your hurt and anger disparage the other person.  Doing so puts your mutual friends in a bad place, and after 20 years, we have plenty of those. It isn't something widely written about in literature, touched by lyricists, or realistically portrayed in media.  It is a strange and silent battle and a restrained sort of suffering. (I will say that I have been blessed to have a small circle of amazingly supportive people listening to me, talking through things, and being there for hugs and the occasional margarita.  I honestly don't know where I'd be without these treasured souls, and I owe my current bit of sanity to them.)

"Let it go." "Forget about her." "Move on." "Ignore it."

It is wonderful advice that is impossible to follow.

The violent crash of circumstances that caused the death of our friendship left me grieving and confused and angry.  I know it did for her too, and it is going to take time.  Just time. Nothing else, no amount of self control, no number of miles, no quippy quotes, or new friends, can make it better.  I just have to breathe. And grieve. And day by day I must accept that she is grieving and angry too, and that these things are the measure of distance between us, that through time we will accept.  One day we will let go.  

For now, just breathe.

Peach & Plum Kuchen

Now that we're settled in I am experimenting with lots of yummy recipes, and loving every minute of it.  My latest attempt at a recipe is Peach and Plum Kuchen from Grit.  

Mine looks very different than theirs, but I think I added more fruit, so less of the batter was poking up through.  I'm okay with that though - it's just how I like it.  It is best served warm with a bit of drizzled melted butter on top.  Nom nom!