Multi-Generational Living

I'm 33 and I live with my mom.

Actually, we live together in a copacetic, mutually beneficial, multi-generational family unit.  3 generations of us live under one roof, and I'm coming to learn in this transition through the nuclear family era, that this type of living situation is really not so uncommon.

According to Generations United, the U.S. Census reported in 2008 that one in 6 households in the United States is comprised of at least 3 or more generations.  In the bigger picture, this is the way things were done.  Families lived in the same homes for generations, and if not under the same roof, within the same clan not more than a short walking distance apart.  Families ate together, sought advice of their elders, raised and educated children as a community, depended on one another, shared their strengths and compassion with one another, and passed down skills and knowledge from generation to generation.  

I have also come to realize what a gift it is to have this time in my life to spend time with my mom, and to allow my kids such an opportunity to know her and gather their own memories and experiences with her.  So many of my dear friends have lost parents in recent years, and while I can't possibly say that I know the depth of their grief, my heart aches as I see how much they long for these moments.  God willing we will have plenty of moments to spare for many years to come, and I want to take advantage of every one we have before us.

That is not to say that things are always without struggle.  The movement of the nuclear family (one couple with children living on their own), has created it's own dynamics of both familial and household independence. Marrying those ideas under one roof with two generations of mothers/matriarchs can be trying at times for us both.  That said, we are navigating these waters together, with patience and passion for what we're doing and where we're going.

When it comes down to the day-to-day, there is nothing more magical than watching my mom dance around the yard in the rain with my oldest daughter, playing games with my 9yo girl, or pretending to build castles with my son.  There is a deep comfort in 3 generations of mothers and daughters sitting down between chores to knit a few rows together on the front porch as we watch the cars go by together.  Traditions are shared and made over recipes and kitchen tables, through seasons and celebrations. 

Yes, we live in a multi-generational household.  The important thing is, and always has been, family.

Foodie Fun in Texas

One of the best parts of being in TX again is being near some of my dearest friends and family.  The other best part is the FOOD.  Thrillist rates Texas as #2 in the nation for incredible food, and mentions San Antonio as one of the greatest cities in the state for foodies.

The other day I went out to dinner with my lifelong friend Danna to La Hacienda de Los Barrios.  We took long winding roads that had me wondering if she was driving me out to the middle of nowhere to murder me and bury my body, but then out of the forest of Pecan trees and tall grasses came into view the most beautiful Mexican restaurant I've ever seen.  I ordered the Puffy Tacos that Beat Bobby Flay, and they definitely live up to their fame.  My favorite part of the meal, besides the company, the food, and the atmosphere, was the best margarita I've had in recent memory.  Strike that.  The best TWO margaritas. Yum.

As a welcome home gesture, my dad also took us out to eat at my favorite BBQ place here, Rudy's.  The roadside joint advertizes that they have the "Worst BBQ in TX," a lie almost as big as the state itself.  The restaurant has been featured on the Travel Channel, among other large networks and publications for their incredible wood-smoked BBQ.  I managed to snag a photo of us while ordering, though it is apparent I had not yet acclimated to the 114* heat and was slightly wilted. My apologies, the BBQ is worth it!

When in Rome... er... Texas... do as the locals do, and COOK.  I've been making use of my Found Treasures lately, and channeling my inner Southern Belle in the kitchen.  I made a pile of Salmon Patties just like my grandma used to make for us, and they were a huge hit with the family.  

Later on I whipped up a beautiful Pork Roast in my Pampered Chef Rock Crock, and that turned out unbelievably well.  It was the first time I'd used my Rock Crock, and I was incredibly impressed with that little piece of kitchen equipment.  It can be used so many ways, and cooks everything incredibly evenly.  I swear I want 10 of them.

I am positive our foodie adventures will continue as we settle in to Texas-dom.  I would love any suggestions for your favorite restaurants or southern foods to try to cook!  What foods make you think of Texas?

Putting Down Roots

This making a home business is a lot harder than it seems.  I am so tired I could fall over any minute, but it has been a fun process, watching everything come together, as well.  Craigslist has been a lifesaver and has really stretched our dollar, while allowing us to add beauty and character to our home.  Some of my favorite purchases have been GOBS of plants for our house.  We have near 100 new plants gracing the interior our home, helping us stay grounded, and cleaning our air.

On our Craigslist adventures we met a wonderful man named Carlos.  He taught me a lot about how to care for Mammoth Elephant Ears, and we bought one from him on a trial basis, to be followed up with more plants from him later.  He was such a charming person to talk to, and a beautiful spirit.  We also bought this incredible piece (see below picture).  I'll post more about that later.  It is STUNNING!!  We made fast friends with him and look forward to new adventures ahead.

Some of our plants were rescued from the clearance rack in the garden center, but most of them came from a lady who is moving to New Mexico and couldn't take her beloved plants with her.  We came in and rescued dozens of plants from her and gave them a new home to live in.  They had been sitting out in the 110* Texas heat and had wilted some, but a day or two indoors have given them new life and all are doing well.

There is something really special about adding plants to your home.  It seems to give that last finishing, living touch to things.  Now I just need to find ways to spruce up the pots! 

The Death of a Friendship

4 months ago my life changed.

After 20 years, one of my best friends and I broke up.  For good.

20 years of believing that friendships are made to be secure, to last a lifetime.  20 years of sharing my deepest secrets with someone who knew parts of me that the rest of the world didn't see, both the good and the bad.  20 years of inside jokes, creative passion, and shameless, nerdy fandom.  20 years of knowing how she likes her Chai, of sharing clothes and memories, of being willing to fight like a lion for her if she needed me to. 20 years of consciously choosing each other again and again through ups and downs in marriages with the husbands we met long after we'd committed our friendships to each other, through identity crises, through the births of 5 children between us, through loss, heartache, and inexplicable joy.  20 years of choosing each other to turn to, depend on, and love through it all.  20 years knowing that without a doubt, this person was a part of my life, and 20 years of confidence that she would always be in my future.

And in April it was all gone. *Snap.* Just like that. The door slammed closed, and a part of me died along with our friendship, leaving me grasping for the parts of myself that got left behind in the chasm between us.

"Soul Sisters."  That's what we called ourselves.  We believed with all our hearts that friends are the family you choose.  In a blink our chosen family was severed, and I've been trying to find a way to cope with this ever since.

In the book, The Friend Who Got Away, Jenny Offill & Elissa Schappell wrote,

"The loss of a friendship can be nearly as painful as a bitter divorce or a death.  And yet it is a strange sort of heartbreak, one that is rarely discussed, even in our tell-all society.  Tales of disastrous loves abound, but there is something about a failed friendship that makes those involved guard it like a shameful secret.  'Whatever happened to your friend?' someone asks, and more often than not the answer comes back carefully crafted to give away nothing.  We had a falling out.  It's complicated.  Why does the thought of seeing an ex-friend sometimes stop our hearts in a way that seeing an old lover doesn't?  Why is it so difficult to trace the arc of a failed friendship, to shape it into a recognizable narrative?  Even country music, with its laundry list of heartache and longing, won't touch it."  

 One thing I have come to understand is that it is nearly impossible to talk about a lost friendship.  It isn't socially acceptable the way it is with the loss of a romantic relationship.  It's hard to talk about it without placing blame or letting your hurt and anger disparage the other person.  Doing so puts your mutual friends in a bad place, and after 20 years, we have plenty of those. It isn't something widely written about in literature, touched by lyricists, or realistically portrayed in media.  It is a strange and silent battle and a restrained sort of suffering. (I will say that I have been blessed to have a small circle of amazingly supportive people listening to me, talking through things, and being there for hugs and the occasional margarita.  I honestly don't know where I'd be without these treasured souls, and I owe my current bit of sanity to them.)

"Let it go." "Forget about her." "Move on." "Ignore it."

It is wonderful advice that is impossible to follow.

The violent crash of circumstances that caused the death of our friendship left me grieving and confused and angry.  I know it did for her too, and it is going to take time.  Just time. Nothing else, no amount of self control, no number of miles, no quippy quotes, or new friends, can make it better.  I just have to breathe. And grieve. And day by day I must accept that she is grieving and angry too, and that these things are the measure of distance between us, that through time we will accept.  One day we will let go.  

For now, just breathe.

Peach & Plum Kuchen

Now that we're settled in I am experimenting with lots of yummy recipes, and loving every minute of it.  My latest attempt at a recipe is Peach and Plum Kuchen from Grit.  

Mine looks very different than theirs, but I think I added more fruit, so less of the batter was poking up through.  I'm okay with that though - it's just how I like it.  It is best served warm with a bit of drizzled melted butter on top.  Nom nom!

~home~

It has been a difficult journey for us in some ways.  Abbi had a hard time with the drive, but has adjusted beautifully.  We had to leave behind a state that we love when we left Arizona (though we love Texas too).  Most of all, it was difficult to leave behind the people that mattered most to us.  Thankfully in this modern age, we have technology to help us stay in touch and keep those relationships strong, even if we don't see one another every day.

This move has helped our family in HUGE ways.  It is hard for me to even wrap my head around it sometimes, but we are truly moving forward and moving up.  We could not have done any of it without the help of my mom, who gave us an incredible gift of a fresh start.  Having her living with us has changed us all for the better, and is something I am grateful for every day.  More on my views of multi-generational relationships soon - it is a topic that I have learned a lot about and would love to share with you guys before long.  For now, just a huge thank you and credit where it is due - my amazing mom.

We are buying a beautiful home with space enough for all of us.  Hubby found an incredible job almost as soon as we got here for a great company.  I am starting up art lessons here and already have several bookings that will help us out so much to do some extra things and build up our savings.  I am also able to expand on my spinning fiber business, which will be kicking off again in the next month.  There are awesome opportunities here for the kids.  Anna has already made a trip to Sea World with Kevin, and we will be heading to Morgan's Wonderland with Abbi before long.  We're in the best school district in the city, and Abbi has access to an awesome Autism school (though they will be hard pressed to meet the standard set by ASCEND in Prescott)!  Doors are opening and things are falling into place.  It's all happening fast, and at times can be overwhelming.  Overall, that is not a bad problem to have.  

We are ready to step into this life and live both the width and the breadth of it.

Top 5 Homeschool Happies

Though Summer is generally not something I get excited about, I do really look forward to what is coming next - AUTUMN!  And what comes with Autumn, but a NEW SCHOOL YEAR!!  Yes, I am one of those nerds that loves school. SQUEE!

Thing # 1: Anna just finished up her third grade year at her beautiful and amazing Waldorf school!!  Those of you who have been with me for a while know that when I started this blog, Anna was homeschooling.  We were able to get her into an incredible school for 3rd grade, and she loved every minute of it.  Waldorf is such a beautiful and effective way to teach and live, and I am so grateful that Anna was able to experience a real Waldorf school for a while.

We are moving to Texas, though, and the availability of such a unique education is limited. Texas is known for amazing schools that value kids and education, with great teachers to boot. (Hi Laura!!)  It is a great system, but it isn't the approach that I think would work best for Anna. Beyond that, Anna has a lot of sick days due to food sensitivities and allergies that leave her feeling yucky, and Texas has a strong truancy law.  In order to allow her body to heal according to it's own schedule (and not the school's), and to continue a more hands-on and creative education, we are going back to homeschooling.

Thing #2: I am so excited about going back to homeschooling!!  It's the nerd in me, really.  I'm ordering books, making out lesson plans, and sharpening pencils left and right (no really - it's a sickness).  I could probably write my own book on all of the things I am planning and learning and reading!

I'm making my own curriculum based on state standards to ensure she's getting what she needs and mastering needed skills.  I'm taking those standards and turning them into lessons that she can really get into and apply to real life.  Be watching in the coming months as I share some of what we're going to do.

Thing #3: Anna is loving handwork this summer!! One of the amazing things about Waldorf education is their focus on creativity and handwork. I was about her age when my grandma taught me how to crochet. I remember spending summers at my grandma's feet with my brother and cousins as she taught us how to use nothing but our minds, our hands, and a hook to turn string into something truly beautiful.

Just this very morning Anna asked if she could make me something and whipped up a pencil holder for me out of her own creative mind and without a pattern.  (Pencils... the girl knows how to get to my heart!)  Though she looks rather serious here, it is only because she was in deep concentration as she worked diligently on my gift.  She just ran in from our front porch and showed me yet another creation. This time it was a coin purse that she made for her Mammy (my mom) just to make her smile.  Have I mentioned how much I love her giving spirit?  I feel so lucky to have this little one in my life.

Thing 4: Violin lessons!!  Anna's school last year gave them free violin lessons as a part of their musical education.  She is doing incredibly well with it, and we are going to continue this at home, practicing often.  When we get to Texas, I am hoping for her to join a homeschool orchestra if it is not too far from where we will be living.  By joining the orchestra she will continue to get an hour and a half lesson each week, and have the opportunity to perform twice a year.

To be honest, I want to learn violin too!  There are some incredible lessons and tutorials available on YouTube for free that I plan to take advantage of.  I bought Anna's violin from Amazon, and plan to get one for myself as well.  Though they may not be professional grade, to this layman they look absolutely gorgeous and sound beautiful.  Here's the link to the one we bought, in case you might be looking for one too.  It comes with a case, a tuner, a set of extra strings, and resin for less than $50!

Thing # 5: Last but not least, I am thrilled that Anna will be starting her third year as a Girl Scout this fall, and she will finally be a Junior.  We found a wonderful homeschool troop where we will be moving, and plan to join them.  She just Bridged from Brownie, and I couldn't be more proud.  She earned a ton of wonderful patches, but even more exciting are the lessons she's learned and the many incredible memories she made with friends.  If you are on the fence about joining Girl Scouts, I cannot recommend it enough.  It is only $15 for the entire year, and with a wonderful leader like Anna had this year, it's worth every penny and then some.

I am so excited about this coming Autumn.  We are going to be doing some preschool work with my spunky Gunner-boy, which I will also share.  My beautiful Abbi-girl will likely be going to a specialized day school for Autism, though that may take some time, so we'll be working with her too.  While Anna's education is the only one that requires this kind of structure and planning from me, I am incredibly happy and blessed to be able to spend extra time with each one of my babies, helping them explore their worlds!!